This feels like an unfunny version of Groundhog Day. Instead of carefree laughs and a happy ending, it’s just pain and tears over and over again. I think about you constantly. Even when I forget you’re gone, I still think about you. I went to Felicity’s parent visitation night for a performance ballet. She is doing so well. She has become such a talented young woman. On the way home, she told me she was sad because Mommy wouldn’t see any of her performances or recital. I had to pull over and ugly cry while she comforted me. This isn’t how our story is supposed to go. We’re supposed to walk this journey together, hand in hand.
I miss you so much. I miss your easy smiles. I miss watching you walk through the grass barefoot. My heart hurts so much. Every day without you is a struggle. Struggle isn’t even the right word. I don’t know what word to use. I feel like I’m suffocating without you.
I reach for you every night, hoping this has been a nightmare. You’re not there, though. I feel so broken and empty. Why must there be so much suffering? How are we so advanced as a species, and yet we still have this terrible disease causing so much pain and ripping families apart?
Life is so fleeting. I have all this love for you in my soul, with nowhere to go. You are my rock. You are the warm light in the cold, dark spaces. I miss you terribly. I love you.