Category: Letters to Laura

I can’t sleep. My heart is addicted to you. Every day and night is pure suffering without you. I constantly reach for my phone to text you. Thirteen years is not enough time to spend with you. I have so many regrets about things we wanted to do but never got around to or couldn’t Read more

I’ve been putting this off all day, hoping this is all just a bad dream. Felicity had a pretty bad breakdown this afternoon. We had a good snuggle afterward, and the middle kiddos were very supportive. We miss you so much. I distract myself with busy work. It doesn’t work. My heart still aches for Read more

This feels like an unfunny version of Groundhog Day. Instead of carefree laughs and a happy ending, it’s just pain and tears over and over again. I think about you constantly. Even when I forget you’re gone, I still think about you. I went to Felicity’s parent visitation night for a performance ballet. She is Read more

It has been 8 days without you. I’ve cried so much, hoping I would wake up from this nightmare. Time may heal some wounds, but I don’t know how it can heal the missing pieces of my soul. I miss you so much, baby. I hoped that by writing to you daily, I would start Read more

I cannot believe it’s been a week. It felt like an eternity and 10 seconds at the same time. It is precisely 7 days, almost to the minute, that you left us. The pain is so overwhelming. It’s all I can think about. I’ve tried distracting myself, but focusing on anything else is hard.  It’s Read more

Last night, the older kids slept in our bed with me because they didn’t want me to be alone. I’m glad to be home with them, but it breaks my heart that you aren’t here. I keep coming into the bedroom to ask you if you need anything, only to be met with nothingness. The Read more

My heart aches today. I’m at the airport without you. We made this trip together, and I’m going home alone. I want to yell and scream, but don’t know who to be mad at. I scroll through social media and see couples hugging and kissing. I’ll never get to hug or kiss you again. It Read more

The world keeps moving, even with mine crashing down. All these logistics, documents, and people who need information are the type of stuff you were so good at. I spoke with the funeral home people here in Germany today, and they are taking such good care of you. They said they could make some fingerprint Read more

I keep thinking you’ll text me and say you’re all done at the hospital and ready to be picked up. I want to picture you happy and pain-free, but all I can see is you in that damn hospital bed. That last image I have of you sears through my mind. I don’t want to Read more

I got to FaceTime our babies yesterday. They are so beautiful and so strong. Poppy was asking for you again. I wish I could be there with them, holding them, and crying with them. Kimbre and Sandy are taking such good care of them.  Additionally, JaVan and Richard are also coming by. Liam and Richard Read more