I can’t sleep. My heart is addicted to you. Every day and night is pure suffering without you. I constantly reach for my phone to text you. Thirteen years is not enough time to spend with you. I have so many regrets about things we wanted to do but never got around to or couldn’t afford.
Sometimes, I’ll find myself watching videos of you. I’m so jealous of my past self for spending that time with you. I listen to your voice, hoping never to forget how it made me feel. I feel so powerless without you. This missing piece of my soul is suffocating. How can time heal a broken soul?
I constantly wish for one more day with you, one more minute, even one more second. I have never been loved the way you love me. You made me such a better man and father. How can I live up to your expectations without you? How can I inspire the babies to be the best versions of themselves without you? You were always so patient and kind. They learned so much from you.
I miss taking care of you. I miss massaging your feet and back. I miss getting your coffee from Barbie. I miss going on dates to Barnes & Noble and buying you books. Even though you had an impressive stack, you were still reading. I miss your Facebook posts about national parks and other crunchy hippy things. I miss how excited you’d get when you’d tell me about a new medication protocol you had researched and couldn’t wait to try. I miss fun double dates with Sarah and Tom. I didn’t take advantage of our short time together and will always regret it. I miss you so much. I love you to an unhealthy level, surpassing words. There is no way I can describe the depth of love I feel for you. I miss you. It hurts so much. I need you.