It has been 8 days without you. I’ve cried so much, hoping I would wake up from this nightmare. Time may heal some wounds, but I don’t know how it can heal the missing pieces of my soul. I miss you so much, baby. I hoped that by writing to you daily, I would start feeling some peace, knowing you are watching over us. The pain remains. It hurts so much. It hurts every day. The pain is overwhelming. I can’t focus. Sometimes, I can’t breathe. Time may heal, but the here and now is full of pain and suffering.
Your parents left today. They took Penelope with them so she could have some proper attention. The other three went to Native Heart School and, of course, had a blast! Sarah and Anna are helping me plan Liam’s birthday for this Sunday. He’s so excited to see his friends and eat cake.
I went to see Barbie today. She’s such a good friend. I wanted to order your coffee and bring it home to you. I miss how much you love coffee. Finding a fun local coffee shop and spoiling you with treats was always my favorite part of our trips to new places.
Amelia has been crying for you each night during bedtime. It breaks my heart. I had a breakdown this afternoon, and Felicity and Liam gave me some good cuddles to help me calm down. I miss you. The kids have asked me many times why this happened. I don’t have any answers because I keep asking that question, too.
I want to hold your hand again, feel your lips on mine, keep you in my arms, and spoil you with my love. These all seem like selfish wants. I am so lost without you.